Bucket List – 6 Month Update

I finally got off my ass and reset my password so I could log back in here. Lupe’s constant vigil for this site helped. Thank you, sir.

I revisited my bucket list and the weirdest shit has happened – I’ve completed some stuff already!

  • visit Greece
  • go back to Tahiti
  • stay in the underwater hotel when it’s completed
  • have my family welcome the Sexy Mexi I went back to Taiwan and all my non-mom family was alright about the Latino thing. Then back home I brought the now ex to my super extended family – and they didn’t bat an eye. All that drama and we’re over now anyway. lol
  • have $5 million in my IRA by the time I’m 55
  • own a penthouse in NYC and a beach home on the SoCal coastline (with good home insurance)
  • be on the NYT Bestseller’s list for 21 weeks in a row
  • be on the NYT Bestseller’s list multiple times
  • have a harmonious relationship with money not entirely completed but I’d say 80% there
  • love and accept myself completely, at a cellular level I discovered The Healing Codes at the end of last year, which is meant to heal trauma at a cellular level. Crazy shit. Overnight I’ve healed so many of the issues that plagued me for 3 decades.
  • heal  ongoing but the major stuff is pretty much healed
  • by the time I’m 40, have a definitive decision on the child issue and only look forward
  • rescue more dogs
  • learn to ride a horse Sexy Mexi bought us a horseback trail ride when we went to Ojai for our my birthday
  • learn to wield an old-fashioned sword
  • print on a ye olde printing press
  • be flown around the world on tour as a speaker
  • get interviewed by Rolling Stone, Marie Claire and Vogue
  • get interviewed by Oprah
  • win a blues dancing competition
  • remember how to speak German
  • learn to read my parents’ language
  • maintain a core group of close friends I can call anytime when I need support or help  when Sexy Mexi and I broke up, this really became apparent
  • dance in the center of a circle at The Floor at King King
  • be paid handsomely to do voice-overs for cartoons, video games, commercials and audiobooks
  • start a college scholarship for underprivileged minorities
  • donate $100,000 to rape crisis centers and domestic violence shelters
  • marry one person for life and experience the most secure, supportive, spiritually-filled relationship

Luckily, I’ve got a lifetime to accomplish the rest 🙂

Anyone else make that bucket list?

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Wisdom Teeth: The Real Deal

After 5 years and 4 dentists with the same suggestion, I finally did it: I got all 4 wisdom teeth out.

I could have saved a couple hundred dollars if I did the top 2 at the dentist, but I didn’t want to go through the liquid diet and pain TWO times so I coughed up the extra few hundred to get them done with the oral surgeon, who put me under.

Best idea ever. Going under GA is such a more humane way of experiencing surgery. I highly recommend it to avoid the trauma.

I’m over 30, so recovery is not speedy and fun like all the fuckers who have nothing helpful to say other than, “Damn girl you waited that long? I was 17 when I did mine.” There’s a reason I don’t speak to that bitch anymore and will go back to doing so.

Here’s the real deal: it hurts like a mother. (like MY mother, even ::shudder::)

The pain is tolerable with 800 mg of Ibuprofen, but what’s been driving me crazy is how unsympathetic my “friends” are. Some of the people who’ve had it done have been the most compassionate. But there are some email threads I’ve been added to and when I posted to say I couldn’t participate in this or that activity or discussion because of my wisdom teeth…

crickets.

I get maybe ONE person saying “feel better soon”

What do they think is happening, a routine cleaning? THIS SHIT HURTS. I’m crabby as fuck the second the meds wear off and it’s an ache that doesn’t end until the meds kick back in. I try to take down my dosage and I can’t. IT HURTS.

I can only eat liquid/mashed up food for this week until I can be sure my blood clot is solidified b/c dry socket sounds TERRIFYING and boy am I sick of baby food and sweet smoothies.

I had refried beans for the first time tonight and almost died of pleasure.

I’m easily tired out – I left the house for the first time today, on Day 4, to see Monsters University and while I positively soared with glee at an outing, I was barely able to climb the stairs back.

My stupid workplace fatass lazy blonde bitch tried to get me to contact a parent yesterday – I’m OUT OF OFFICE BITCH.

I don’t understand people. This is a no-nonsense FOR REAL SURGERY. I can’t open my mouth wide enough to brush all my teeth. I have to make a salt solution after every meal. I’m constantly hungry. I’m sore 24-7 NONSTOP and in pain in the mornings and night. I can only sleep part of the night because the meds wear off and it hurts and it stinks in the morning and I’m paranoid there’s a particle stuck in there even though I follow the post-operative instructions to a T.

This only contributes to my hatred of L.A. and how selfish Angelenos are. I’ve already let go of many friends because of not okay shit they pulled, but if I let everyone go, I’ll have no more friends here.

So that’s the real deal. If you’re under 30 and you have wisdom teeth issues, hurry and get them done while you still heal like Wolverine. Otherwise you’ll have to sit around alone hating the fuckers around you.

Ah, there go my meds. Rant over.

Bucket List

I’ve never made one of these. Have you? If so, please share a link – I love peeking in on these things as much as I like looking into people’s windows when I walk the dog. (People who leave their curtains open already! I don’t hide in the bushes and Tom peep like a creeper.)

I think I’m a little scared of bucket lists because my Type A Harvard side will feel like a failure if, at the end of my life, I don’t hit all the things on this list. It’s just like another way to set myself up for failure. I’m not even sure if I’m supposed to put my wildest dreams on here, or realistic goals. I’m gonna go with a combination.

By the way, I have issues.

In an effort to be more positive and goal-driven, here’s some stuff I’d like to experience in my life. Some are too private even for a sekret blog, so I’ll just include reader-friendly ones:

  • visit Greece
  • go back to Tahiti
  • stay in the underwater hotel when it’s completed
  • have my family welcome Abraham
  • have $5 million in my IRA by the time I’m 55
  • own a penthouse in NYC and a beach home on the SoCal coastline (with good home insurance)
  • be on the NYT Bestseller’s list for 21 weeks in a row
  • be on the NYT Bestseller’s list multiple times
  • have a harmonious relationship with money
  • love and accept myself completely, at a cellular level
  • heal
  • by the time I’m 40, have a definitive decision on the child issue and only look forward
  • rescue more dogs
  • learn to ride a horse
  • learn to wield an old-fashioned sword
  • print on a ye olde printing press
  • be flown around the world on tour as a speaker
  • get interviewed by Rolling Stone, Marie Claire and Vogue
  • get interviewed by Oprah
  • win a blues dancing competition
  • remember how to speak German
  • learn to read my parents’ language
  • maintain a core group of close friends I can call anytime when I need support or help
  • dance in the center of a circle at The Floor at King King
  • be paid handsomely to do voice-overs for cartoons, video games, commercials and audiobooks
  • start a college scholarship for underprivileged minorities
  • donate $100,000 to rape crisis centers and domestic violence shelters
  • marry one person for life and experience the most secure, supportive, spiritually-filled relationship

Another reason I’m writing this down is because I’m contemplating working with a manifestation coach. If I do hire her, I’d like to see how my bucket list changes once I break through my own false limitations.

Because according to Sydney from Untemplate who wrote this bucket list post:

Failure is better than never giving yourself a chance at success.

Happy Self Mom Day

Facebook has been a TMJ-inducing headache today. Anne Lamott’s eloquent salon article Why I Hate Mother’s Day is my greatest comfort today.

I alternate between missing my mother in her purest, fun-loving essence and hating her for the abuse that’s taken me over a decade to crawl out of, with repercussions I’m still healing from. But mostly, I don’t want to think about her and I don’t want to be reminded of all the loving moms I didn’t have.

Most of all I hate being left out of anything, especially holidays – even fake ones.

I try to be spiritual about it and think of all my friends who are decent, non-borderline/bi-polar moms, but fuck that. I simply hate this day and everything it stands for and the “shove it in your face-ness” of it.

The only thing that would redeem this is to acknowledge myself for being a dog mom to furries who weren’t wanted and for surrogate mom-ing the teenagers I’ve coached into colleges and amazing lives.

And most importantly, for having to mother myself from a very young age.

Go me, for being an awesome mom.

Anyone else a fatty?

Okay. It’s not that Sexy Boyfriend and I are no longer sexy.

We’ve just got a little EXTRA sexy to go around…

…around our middles.

So the upside of an incredibly stressful living situation was that I really rocked the skinny bitch thing a few months ago. Now that SB and I have moved into our spacious apartment together, we’ve been eating dessert every day and growing happy and fat.

Except I’m not happy being fat.

I hit my wall today after a delicious and disgusting (at the same time) Ethiopian dinner we veritably wolfed.

SB: Dessert?

Me: No.

SB: Boba?

Me: No.

SB: ::buys cookies at grocery store::

Me: NOOOOOOOO! ::runs away::

Tight clothing season is upon us and I’m not going into my short shorts looking like sausages. I already notice myself huffing and puffing when I have to sing AND dance with my a capella group. So not okay for a one-time professional dancer.

This is my pledge to emerge from my winter fatsuit and once again make other women hate me. Kidding, not really.

Anyone else trying to shed their cold season cocoon?

Overwhelm

My pet peeve is too much shit happening all at once.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m hypoglycemic, or that I get hypoglycemic WHEN this happens, but I get easily overwhelmed.

Just now I was trying to call a new client. I use Google Voice as my business phone so that

  1. I can separate personal calls from professional
  2. I don’t have to give out my personal number on my business card
  3. I have almost unlimited voicemail capacity (my personal cell phone fills up in 2 seconds b/c I’m overly nostalgic and can’t erase messages)

Unfortunately Google voice only works through the internet. All the high winds in L.A. lately has made my stupid cracked iPhone go beserk with anything internet or phone-related. And of course this only happens when I’m trying to do something important, like make a business phone call, or, running late and trying to get to a new student’s house and the GPS completely goes to shit, or say, wait for AAA’s call because I’m LOCKED OUT OF MY CAR because I was so flustered from running late to my student’s house.

(This didn’t happen yesterday, btw, not at all…sigh..shoot myself in the face now)

So anyway, today I’m trying to call a new client and my Google Voice is taking forever to connect. When it finally does and I introduce myself as the new tutor, the mom goes: “Okay.”

Silence.

Me: ::panic::

Cue Boyfriend calling at the same time.

Me: ::starts looking for gun::

Mom: Hello?

Me: ::modicum of relief:: Can you hear me?

Mom: Can I call you back?

Me: ::frantically trying to ignore BF’s incoming call:: Hold on one second – okay, hello?!?

>dead air<

BF calls again: I have bad news.

Me: ::shoots self in face::

At that moment I realize, along with the calls, my blood sugar has dropped as well. It comes on really suddenly for a hypoglycemic – I have A LOT of trouble feeling hunger and by the time I do feel it, I have about 5 minutes to address it before any tiny level of stress turns me into a suicidal, manic mess.

I’m heating a frozen dinner in the toaster oven now. Why?
Because our microwave isn’t here. Why?

Because we missed the delivery by 5 minutes today. Why?

Because we had to go to a cafe nearby to use the bathroom. Why?

Because they turned the apartment’s water off. AGAIN.

Today is kind of a big UNIVERSE SAYS FUCK YOU day, but at least I got this blog.

Does anyone else freak out when monkeys throw too many bags of poop at you? Please tell me everyone else has crowded lives too?

Adventures in the New Apartment

We’re here!

Unfortunately the place looks like this:

Home!

At least (one of) the dog(s) made it.

We signed the paperwork today with the manager and then I cooked my first breakfast – egg whites with leftover carne asada burrito filling – while the building handyman installed our coat closet doors.

Walking the dog for the first time meant 3 trips in and out:

  1. made it to locking the door – forgot to put sunblock on – return to wash face
  2. made it to outside the complex – forgot to get baggie for dog poop – return to get Target bag
  3. made it on the walk! Dog peed twice and pooped some shockingly symmetric and solid cylinders. Very efficient.

Just now I tried to make a smoothie and dropped the heavy glass pitcher part. I was holding the other 2 parts so I pulled a Brazilian soccer move and knee bumped it to break its fall. It landed on the black plastic part that fits into the base and was fine.

I, however, wailed the whole time like a fat lady in a flowery dress and sun hat slipping while getting mugged.

Good thing the kitchen window faces the alley. Where the entire next building can hear.

Welcome, Perfect Health

Ginger Carrot Kale

(c) 2013 spoiled soulmate

Those of you who know me in real life or from my public blog know I’m hypoglycemic. Well I’ve decided to stop this chronic condition. I’ve read and heard enough miracles of people healing from terminal diseases that I believe I can be free of the havoc my “issue” wreaks on my emotions, my time, my energy, and my health. I don’t know how long it will take, but I’m ready and committed to letting go of any need to have this overwhelm (which is the root of my condition.)

I’ve been on raw smoothies for, I don’t even remember – over a week now? I’ve also switched back to a paleo level of protein, which for me is around 60-100 grams of protein a day. It’s a number that scares vegans and even the FDA, but my body does very well with it. I see leaner muscle and feel stronger when I have that amount of animal protein (it has to come from meat for me).

The smoothies have been amazing in evening out my blood sugar and reducing the effects of a sugar drop. I make a big smoothie in the morning or early afternoon to last me the day, then if I have a crappy dinner I’ll make a detox smoothie at night with some ginger in it (the one in the photo above is the Ginger Carrot Kale from last night.)

My instagram friends have been asking for the recipes and I’m considering putting together a blend-book once I have enough. Yep, I’m gonna start selling my woo. 🙂